Strange little f(r)iction

Okidoki ... i've already trancribbed lyrics, wrote a poem and made peace with myself, now it's time to let my mind go free and wild, today i'll post one of my "texts of dispair" (-texts of dispair- is but a scrap book i've been writing ever since 6th grade when i had to make - really make, by joining, folding and sewing paper - a book)

here goes one of my "texts of dispair"

Custa chegar a casa e saber que não lá estás, que de ti só sobraram as sombras nas paredes e o eco da tua voz, no ar poeirento, do vazio.
Desgosta-me saber que fui motivo da tua infelicidade e de todas as lágrimas que choraste, das que não choraste, e, de todas as vezes que a morte ansiaste.
Peço perdão por não ser o príncipe da Cinderella, ou, por apenas não te poder dar tudo aquilo que necessitas. Mas isto é o que sou, o que sempre fui, o que sempre conheceste...

Lá estou eu, outra vez, a falar com as paredes; como se delas conseguisse arrancar algumas respostas, por entre os murros que lhes dou e os hematomas que me ofereço...

English version:

It's hard to get home and knowing you're not there, that, of you, there's only the shadows on the walls and the ecchoes of your voice, in the powdery-dusty air, of the empty.
It disgusts me to know i was the reason for unhappiness and of all the tears you've cried, of all the tears you haven't shed, and, of all the times for death you wished.
I appologize, for not being Cinderella's prince, or, for only not to be able to give you all the things you've ever needed. But this is what i am, what i always have been, what you've always known...

Here i go again, talking to the walls, as if from them i could get a hold on some asnwers in the midst of the punches i blow at them and the bruises i offer myself...